So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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