This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You made out with two different species that night
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
