i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
