I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
