Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
