i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
