Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
