Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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