mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
