I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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