whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am naked and annoyed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
