So drunk its hurt
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize