hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
