so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
