It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
