I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
