i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize