You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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