remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
