your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish I only lived at night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
