i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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