I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I wish there were birth control emojis
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
