If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
