true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
