Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
