Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize