I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
