The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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