i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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