ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Me too!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
