Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
