I just saw a hot homeless man
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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