I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
