y did u give ur computer a hand job?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
