Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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