I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
