well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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