He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
