he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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