Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hippo gnu deer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
