ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
