I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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