we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize