is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
