All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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