last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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