come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
