Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
