Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
