I wanna bring you to show and tell
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
