Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
