I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
