were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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