Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
