Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
