You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
