got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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