i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
