wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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