My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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