my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
