i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
