I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
