I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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