thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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