i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
