There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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