in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
