I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
